The Adventures of MOS
by Lily Lindsey-Aubery
Summary: It might not be as easy as it looks to be Sauron's right-hand man. The Mouth of Sauron has a very interesting life, and perhaps it is not always pleasant. Humorous fic by my younger sister, MOSObsessed. :D Rated for scariness and some slight violence. Please read and review! :D Starring Mouth of Sauron, though he's not on the characters list. :(


A/N: Hello! I am MOSObsessed. This is my story, which Lily Lindsey-Aubery (my older sister) was kind enough to let me put on her account. I hope you enjoy it! Please review, and tell me what you think. :D

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**The Adventures of MOS**

_by MOSObsessed_

Chapter 1. Explosives

Mouth (of Sauron) was just getting out of the elevator and heading towards the last flight of stairs up to the top of Barad Dur, when Berzunk (a snaga) ran towards him.

'You're wanted on the palantir,' he said.

'Oh, it's probably Saruman telling me his Berserkers* are on their way. I'll pick it up upstairs. My master will be happy to see that they are coming!'

But much to his distress he found it was Denethor asking him to order 1,000 Berserkers. 'That's the amount I ha- well, am about to have. Hehe!' he thought. 'Well, I could send him my...'

He was cut off by a hissing voice coming from the palantir, quoting the old prophecy of the One Ring.

'Ah, that should be Saruman.' It was, but he didn't say much that pleased Mouth or Eye.

'Now Denethor's asking for explosives**,' said Saruman, 'A thousand of them, and he wants some immediately. I can't make them so quickly, so I'm going to send him those mithril explosives you ordered, and if Lord Sauron insists, I'll send back those mithril blocks he sent me.'

'Nooo!' cried Mouth. 'I must have those explosives!'

But Saruman hung up.

'Now all we can do is get taken over, get our- well, _my _head chopped off, of have to turn good,' complained Mouth.

'Iii ssssseeeeee,' hissed Eye. 'Dial Saruman's number for me.'

'Oh, I forget it.'

'Oh, come on, let me try. Uh, 384-216? Uh, try that.'

'Isn't that Denethor's number?' questioned Mouth.

'Just try it!' said Eye.

'Okay,' said his Mouth doubtfully. '384-216? All right, there you go.'

'Yes?' came Denethor's voice.

'Oh, wrong number,' said the Eye. 'Well, anyhow, Mouth, I want you to go to Isengard and get me those explosives now!'

'Yes, master,' said Mouth.

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Mouth headed down the path int Fangorn forest, looking this way and that as much as possible for a mouth. Soon he found the path over the Misty Mountains.

After a long while he was in Isengard knocking on Saruman's tower door.

'Oh, come on Grima, go answer the door. I'm right in the middle of a game,' said Saruman.

'Oh, that old game,' said Grima, seeing the usual LEGO Aragorn and Legolas running off Minas Tirith.

'Oh, come on, look how many points I'm getting! Now go answer the door!'

'Okay,' said Grima, walking towards the door.

'Oh, MOS!' came Grima's voice from the direction of the door.

'Oh no!' said Saruman. 'Umm, oh come on, I just lost my game.'

'Why in Middle Earth are you playing that silly LEGO game again? All you do is jump off cliffs!' said MOS.

'Because it gives me points every time I make Aragorn and Legolas jump off. Oh, and there's something really cool I want to show you. See, I earned this 'fall save' for jumping Aragorn off the cliff 100 times, so you see I was playing with you and Legolas and I was Legi, and somehow I got stuck carrying you around, so I decided I'd try jumping off. It worked, but not the way I thought it would. You see, I jumped off, but came jumping up again, and so did you.'

'Very interesting, I'm sure,' said Mouth, 'but I need to tell Lord Sauron that I'm here.'

'Oh, come one, I want to play a game really quick. You always say I can and then you never let me,' Grima complained.

'Too bad,' said Saruman. 'Anyhow you need to go to Rohan and take care of Theoden.'

'Ah, come on, just this once?'

'Shhh, I'm trying to call Lord Sauron!' said Mouth, annoyed.

'Now I'm telling you to go to Rohan!' whispered Saruman.

'Oh, please, just send an Uruk-hai.'

'No! It won't work.'

'Why not?'

'Because Theoden will kill an Orc.'

'Oh who cares!'

'Just go!'

'I told you to be quiet!' yelled Mouth.

'I'm not being quiet until he gets out!' Saruman yelled back, pointing towards Grima.

'All right, I can tell you're in Isengard; I can _see _Saruman behind you,' said the Eye, answering Mouth's call. 'Now hurry up!'

'I'll try, my master,' responded the Mouth.

'Good, and make sure that Saruman sends someone to Rohan.'

'I will try,' the Mouth repeated.

'Good.'

'YEOOWWWW!' Grima screamed, as Saruman shot a ball of fire at him.

'Hahaha, your fault!' laughed Saruman.

'I'll get you!' yelled Grima.

'What is going on?' asked Eye at the other end of the palantir.

'Uhh, just a moment. Umm, hey guys, what's going on? Lord Sauron would like to know.'

'Oh, nothing, just telling Grima to go to Rohan,' said Saruman.

'Well, you don't have to yell so loud,' hissed Sauron.

'Okay,' said Saruman.

'Hey, you know, Eye? I'm gonna go get those explosives now,' said Mouth.

'Oh, yes, go ahead. You'll be back soon, I hope?'

'As soon as possible,' said Mouth. 'And, oh, if you don't mind, I might get back faster if you send a Nazgul to pick me up.'

'Okay, I'll send #3 over.'

'Oh, no! Please send over #2, please.'

'No!'

'Okay. But I'll never get back if you send #3.'

'Well, I need to get him out of the way.'

'Out of the way? Of what?'

'Well, you see, I was going to send the rest of the Nazgul to drop the explosives over top of that doopy Gondor, give 'em a wake-up call, you know.'

'I get it very well; but you don't have any explosives yet.'

'Oh, you're right. Oh, well. I'll send #3 anyhow.'

'What did you say?' said Mouth, not noticing he had adopted a Smeagolish voice.

'I said I'll send #3 over, anyways,' repeated Eye.

'Oh, whatever. Goodbye,' said MOS.

'Goodbye and get here soon,' said Sauron.

'Impossible!'

'Oh never mind, Goodbye!' *click* Sauron hung up.

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*Berserkers of Isengard were the most powerful Uruk-hai to ever come out of Saruman's pits. They were larger, even more fearsome versions of the Uruk-hai, standing about seven feet tall and weighing an estimated three hundred pounds. Before they were sent into battle, it is said; the bowl of their small, tight-fitting helmet was filled with the blood of their enemy, and then pushed onto their heads. The intoxicating smell awakened a bloodlust that drove them to a battle-frenzy and made them immune to pain. Berserkers had no regard for personal safety, wore no armor except their helmets, and were expected to fight to the death. Their sole object was to establish a bridgehead. One Berserker was given the task to set off the explosive mines planted by the Uruk-hai. -Lord of the Rings Wiki  
**See Mission: Suicide, where Denethor wishes to blow himself up.

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A/N: I couldn't finish this because the chapter was getting too long. It will be continued soon! :D Please review?


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